Anybody else remember Deacon Batista? Who would have thought that box-wearing, D’von Dudley-following, weird soul patch-having giant of a man would be a multi-time champion? Luckily for Dave, he was plucked to join Evolution with Triple H, Ric Flair, and fellow up-and-comer Randy Orton. Since then, he was bred for success. In 2005 he was the hottest rising heel on RAW as a parallel to John Cena, the hottest rising babyface on Smackdown. Batista would win the Royal Rumble that year, eliminating Cena last in the most unbotchy botch ever. I have no idea why Vinny Mac was so mad. The double elimination “botch” actually looked legit because they hit the floor at the same time and it created great suspense in the crowd as to which young star would win. Then Vince tore both of his quads hopping into the ring to yell at everyone. See, Vince? That’s what you get for being an angry little elf. Where was I? Oh yeah, so Batista won the Royal Rumble, turned on Evolution, put Triple H through a table with the most devastating Batista Bomb ever, and won the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 21 from Mr. Helmsley himself. In total, the Animal won 4 World Heavyweight Championships, 2 WWE Championships, 3 World Tag Team Championships (2 with Ric Flair, 1 with John Cena), and 1 WWE Tag Team Championship (with Rey Mysterio). With Batista killing Hollywood as of late and primed to be a breakout star from his work in the Marvel Cinematic Universe a Drax the Destroyer, it’s hard to believe Batista will be gracing our small screens any time soon. This is especially true given his statements a few months back that he would come back only to do a program with Trips. Suffice it to say, unless Triple H is, for some reason, both IC and US champion at that time, Batista’s chances at a Grand Slam are slim to none.